Forgetting How to Breathe Page 9

  Poor girl. It was hard for her to be cooped up so long. As she left Dinni for Disa’s stall, Tia heard a groan and a loud thump.

  Disa was lying on her side with her legs pushed out straight. The straw was wet, as if she’d peed quite a lot, but it smelled funny.

  “What’s wrong girl?” Realization dawned on her. “The baby!”

  Tia felt a white-hot lightning bolt shoot through her, though she wasn’t sure if it was excitement or panic. “Hang on, girl, I’ll go get Grandpa Bebe!”

  She pounded down the aisle toward the door that led out to the first paddock. “Grandpa Bebe!” she shouted, flinging the door wide open.

  It was a mistake.

  As if in slow motion, Tia saw the paddock, then Garri’s head, shoulders and legs as he reared up, Grandpa Bebe beside him … and Grandpa Bebe’s hand, caught up in Garri’s lead rope, as he was pulled off his feet.

  “Garri! No!” Tia screamed. It only made things worse. Garri bolted, dragging Grandpa Bebe behind him.

  Chapter Eleven

  In a moment, it was over. Grandpa Bebe had managed to get his hand loose, but he was lying on the ground at an unusual angle, not moving. Garri was standing a few feet away, head held high, nostrils flared.

  “Grandpa Bebe!” Tia felt her voice catch in her throat as she ran over, sat down beside him and gently touched his left arm, the one that wasn’t twisted so horribly. Garri moved close and snuffled Grandpa Bebe’s face while Scout licked his ear.

  “Please,” Tia begged, hiccoughing and sniffling. “You have to be okay.” Relief washed over her as Grandpa Bebe’s eyes fluttered open.

  “Hi Tia,” he said weakly. He tried to sit up, but winced in pain. “Just wrenched my arm a bit.”

  “I’m so sorry, Grandpa Bebe! It’s my fault!” Tia cried, tears running freely down her cheeks. “I didn’t call through the door. I scared Garri.” She sat on her knees beside him, holding her head in her hands. Why, oh why couldn’t she do anything right? Everything she touched turned into a steaming pile of screw-up, even when she was trying to help.

  “I wasn’t expecting you today.”

  “It’s Disa, Grandpa Bebe! I think she’s having her foal!”

  Grunting, Grandpa Bebe sat up straighter. “Really?” he asked. “Well, how about that.” He patted his jacket pocket with his left hand and then scanned the paddock. “Get my phone, Tia,” he said, pointing to where he’d dropped it. “And help me up.”

  Tia obeyed, feeling like her own knees would buckle when he cried out in pain. “Isn’t it too soon, Grandpa Bebe? You said she wasn’t due for a few more weeks.”

  Grandpa Bebe stood awkwardly, his right arm hanging limp beside him. “It is early, Tia, but possible.”

  Tia swallowed. She wanted to shout for help and run wildly down the highway. But this was no time to lose it. Instead, she pushed all her panic and worry into a damp ball at the bottom of her stomach until only urgency remained. “Her stall is all wet and it smells funny.”

  “What do you mean, ‘funny’?”

  She thought. “Kind of sweet.”

  Grandpa Bebe nodded. “Let’s have a look. Sounds like her water broke.”

  “Is that good?”

  “It’s as it should be.”

  Tia felt relief flood through her. For Disa, at least. Grandpa Bebe was walking slowly, as if every breath caused him pain.

  At the stall, Grandpa Bebe peered inside. He punched numbers on the phone with his thumb and held it to his ear. “Jennifer? I need you to come home, honey. Looks like Disa is having her foal —” He paused to listen. “A bit early, yeah. Disa does like to follow her own schedule, hey?” He chuckled. “All right, see you soon.”

  “How come you didn’t tell her about your arm.” Tia asked after Grandpa Bebe had hung up the phone.

  “I’ll tell her when she gets here. No sense having her fussing over the phone.”

  “Okay. Now what?”

  “Now we just stay quiet and watch.”

  “Shouldn’t we call the vet?” she asked.

  “Nah, not necessary. Horses foal all the time, often when no one is around to watch. This is pretty special.”

  Tia let a sense of goodness enter her. Disa was going to be okay. Grandpa Bebe was going to be okay. And in this moment, this was exactly where she was meant to be.

  Too bad Tag wasn’t here to share this. Actually, Cathy might like it more.

  Tia gave her head a shake. Why would I want to share anything with Cathy, especially something as special as this?

  She couldn’t think about that now. Too confusing. Instead, she concentrated on what was happening in the birthing stall. Disa stood, turned, and lay down again. On her side, the horse strained and strained, slick with sweat. Tia jumped as the mare suddenly rolled to her other side and then back again.

  Then it happened. Tia spotted a white bubble coming out of the horse, followed by a tiny hoof. Behind the hoof, there was the start of a black leg. She felt shivers up and down her entire body. She felt like crying, though she didn’t know why. “The baby!”

  Grandpa Bebe grinned, eyes sparkling, looking every bit as happy and excited as Tia. They watched as Disa rested for a moment, then strained with the next contraction. The leg and the hoof stayed where they were.

  Disa strained again, but the foal progressed no further.

  Tia glanced up at Grandpa Bebe. His forehead was creased with a deep frown line.

  “Is something wrong?” she whispered.

  His answer took a long time, like it was stuck behind his tongue. Finally, he said, “Yes, Tia, I think there might be.”

  Alarm shot through her. “What?”

  Grandpa Bebe took his phone back out and punched at the numbers with his thumb. “I’m not sure.” He put the phone to his ear. “Yes, this is a message for Dr. Jacobs. My mare is in labour, but she’s having trouble. I think the foal might be in the wrong position.” He listened. “I’d check myself, but I’ve banged up my arm. Please tell him to come as fast as he can.” He touched his thumb to the phone, ending the call.

  “Is it bad?” Tia asked, her stomach twisting in a knot.

  “He’s out on another emergency.” Grandpa Bebe held his pointer finger up, motioning for her to wait just a minute, and then used his thumb to punch another number into the cellphone. “Jennifer? Where are you?” He listened for a moment, then sighed heavily and shook his head. “Okay, just get here as fast as you can, okay?”

  He put his phone in his pocket and looked at Tia with eyes narrowed, as if deciding something.

  “Why didn’t you tell Jennifer what’s happening?”

  “Semi jackknifed on the highway. Traffic’s backed up. There’s nothing she can do to get here any faster.”

  “But the foal is in the wrong position!” Tia exclaimed. “What can we do?”

  “It’s what you’re going to do, Tia.”

  Tia felt the world fall away. “Me?”

  “The foal is probably stopped because its knee is bent. It needs be straight for it to come out. I need you to go in and check.”

  “What do you mean, go in?”

  With his good arm, Grandpa Bebe opened a box next to Disa’s stall and pulled out disinfectant hand jelly, latex gloves and lubricant. “Clean your hands and arms really good with this first,” he said, handing her the jelly. “Then put on the gloves. You’ve got to reach in beside the foal and check its position.”

  “What?” Tia choked out.

  Disa lifted her head, then thumped it back down, groaning loudly.

  “But it’ll be … gross.” It was a stupid thing to say, even though it was true. Never in her life had she ever thought she would put her hands inside a living creature. The idea of it made her want to upchuck. And beyond that, what if she screwed up? This beautiful mare … She watched Disa panting, her kind
, dark eyes showing white along the edges as she grunted and moaned.

  “Tia, you can do it. You’re good with horses. It won’t be as hard as you think.”

  “No. No, I can’t, Grandpa Bebe!” The idea of doing something that might hurt Disa was more than she could bear.

  “Yes, you can. I’ll be right here.”

  Tia shook her head frantically. “You don’t understand! Everything I touch and everything I do and even everything I say turns out wrong.” She felt tears gather.

  “Please, Tia.” Grandpa Bebe pleaded. “I need you to focus. Think about Disa. We don’t know when the vet will get my message, and if Jennifer doesn’t get here soon enough …” His voice trailed off.

  “What?”

  “We could lose the foal. Maybe Disa too.”

  Tia stopped breathing. “She could die?”

  Grandpa Bebe was more serious than she’d even seen him. “Yes, Tia, that’s what I mean.”

  Swallowing hard, Tia looked at the gloves, then at Disa, then at the tiny, little hoof. Disa thrust her legs straight out once again, groaning, but still there was no further sign of the foal.

  “The longer we wait, the more Disa is going to contract and the tighter it’s going to get for the baby.”

  Tia thought of that tiny hoof and the little horse it was attached to and wondered if it was frightened. What must it be like? What if being born was like moving toward daylight, but then suddenly everything stopped? What if the poor thing could see what it wanted, where it was supposed to go, but couldn’t get to it? Forget frightened, it must be terrified.

  “Tia?”

  She looked solemnly at Grandpa Bebe. There was a tension in him she’d never seen before. Fear showed in his face, his breathing, even in the way he held his hands and shoulders. He loved these horses so much. He loved Disa. So did Tia.

  Of course she would help. She would try with everything in her. Whatever it took.

  She nodded.

  Oh, please do not screw this up! If she was ever going to get anything right, it had to be this. Two lives depended on it.

  Tia did as Grandpa Bebe instructed, washing from her fingertips all the way up her arms. She pulled on the gloves and moved quietly toward Disa. “It’s okay, Big Mama,” she crooned. “I’m just here to help you with the baby.”

  Taking a deep breath, Tia reached in and felt along the length of the foal’s leg. After a moment, she no longer felt awkward or weird. This was a real, live foal! And she was going to help it be born.

  “Just the one leg,” she told Grandpa Bebe. “And its head!”

  Tia felt like she might cry. This baby—living, slick, hot to her touch, ready to breathe its first breath—needed her help. What was it thinking? Did it know that its life was literally in her hands?

  Then she felt it. A tiny pulse. Fast.

  “Tia?”

  Grandpa Bebe’s voice sounded far away. Though it shouldn’t be possible, now she could hear the pulse, loud, inside her head, the baby’s heart beating hard and quick, as if to match her own.

  The baby. Heart beating with hers. It was like they were one.

  Time stopped.

  She couldn’t move.

  “Tia? Tia, honey. What’s wrong? Can you hear me?” His voice echoed, sounding far away.

  Tia felt cold. Dizzy.

  She heard Grandpa Bebe again, stronger this time. “Stay with me, Tia. Focus.”

  “Yes,” Tia said, her voice weak. She cleared her throat. “I’m okay.” Suddenly a feeling of warmth and rightness infused her. She felt stronger. She felt back.

  “You sure? You looked pretty pale for a minute there.”

  “Yes,” she said again. Everything was going to be fine. She would make sure of it.

  “Okay, sounds like baby has a bent knee. You need to push the foal back in and then reach inside Mama and straighten the baby’s leg. Can you do that, Tia?”

  Tia nodded, terrified but determined. “I can, Grandpa Bebe. I’ll try.” No, that wasn’t good enough. She set her jaw. “I mean, I will.”

  “I’m not worried a bit.” His voice sounded calm and reassuring, as if he had just told her the right way to pick out hooves.

  Tia took a deep breath and then gently pushed until the baby was all the way back inside. She heard Disa groan. “Just a minute, Mama! Don’t contract yet.”

  As quickly as she could but with utmost care, she reached in with her hand, felt along the foal’s leg to where it was bent and then pulled it forward. “Got it!”

  “Make sure one leg is lined up a little behind the other,” Grandpa Bebe advised. “Its shoulders should be angled coming out.”

  Disa groaned again and Tia felt the mare’s body go rigid. She got out of the way as Disa contracted and the tiny hoof appeared once more. This time, a second hoof followed it.

  “Good girl, Tia!” Grandpa Bebe cheered. “You did it!”

  Tia began to cry as the whole foal appeared. She blinked each fat, blubbery tear away, hardly noticed them except when they blurred the miracle in front of her. She felt a warm glow wash through her.

  She had just witnessed a miracle. Her. The girl nobody wanted.

  Not even Mama.

  Through her tears, Tia watched Disa lovingly nudge her baby. A mother looked after her babies. Like Cathy did for the twins. Like she did for Tia and Tag too, even though she wasn’t their real mother.

  Tia had been so mad at her.

  Watching Disa and the baby, Grandpa Bebe close beside her, Tia felt a tiny glimmer of understanding. Maybe it had been there all along.

  It wasn’t Cathy she was mad at. It was Mama.

  Mama had always said she would come back, but this time she hadn’t. Maybe she never would. In her heart, Tia knew she wasn’t waiting to be found. That was just what Tia had told herself so that she could hang on to hope.

  But Mama wasn’t coming back. Whatever the reason, she just wasn’t.

  Tia didn’t hate her for it. She couldn’t. She’d seen the goodness in Mama no one else had. The playful and singing bits, the telling her she could do anything bits.

  But there’d also been the not-so-good bits.

  She wasn’t the same mama she’d been before Daddy had died: the mama Tag had never seen, the one Tia still remembered. It wasn’t fair that Tag never got the good mama, but she’d left them both a long time ago.

  It hurt to think that, because, in spite of everything, Tia still loved her and missed her and was so worried about her.

  Mama was gone, but goodness still happened. Like baby horses and helping one take its first breath.

  Tia turned and hugged Grandpa Bebe tight but gently, so as not to disturb his hurt arm. Disa stood and the white sack that had been covering the foal was pulled away.

  He was tiny, jet black, and absolutely perfect.

  Chapter Twelve

  When Tia called, Cathy squealed with excitement. She also said she’d been worried about Tia and was so glad to hear her voice.

  “They’re coming over,” Tia told to Grandpa Bebe, handing him back his phone. “All of them. I hope that’s okay.”

  “As long as we keep things quiet,” he said.

  Grandpa Bebe’s attempted smile turned into a grimace and Tia remembered his arm. “Does it hurt a lot? What can I do?”

  Before he could answer, there was a muffled call of “Door!” and Jennifer hurried into the barn. The broad smile she’d entered with fell away as she looked at her father, his pain obvious. Scout, who’d been shut outside in the excitement, was hot on her heels, wagging his tail extra hard as if to say he forgave them for leaving him out.

  Jennifer glanced in Disa’s stall as she passed but went straight to Grandpa Bebe, her face full of concern.

  In a rush, Tia’s shame of taking Jennifer’s credit card came back. The urge to flee w
as so strong, Tia felt the muscles in her calves tighten.

  She held her ground, forcing her body to stay put. She was through with running away, but she could step outside. “I’ll watch for Cathy and Bob,” Tia said, patting her leg for Scout to follow.

  Despite Cathy saying she’d been worried, Tia wasn’t at all sure she’d be happy to see her—not after the things Tia had said. She would face her outside, away from the beautiful gift she’d just been part of. Cathy would either tell her she’d had enough and was sending her away or she would take her back home to the lodge.

  Home to the lodge. The old key she’d hung onto from their apartment didn’t seem to matter much anymore. After all, some other family had moved in and all of Tia, Tag and Mama’s belongings had been disposed of or sold by the landlord to pay for what they owed him in rent.

  Home was more than where you hung your hat. It was where people cared for you, and where you wanted to be because you cared for them too.

  “Would you mind watching for the vet, Tia?” Jennifer asked. “I need to take Dad in for x-rays.”

  “That’ll wait,” Grandpa Bebe said.

  “Dad, I swear you are more stubborn than a mule.”

  Tia made a wish that this not be the last time she heard Jennifer and Grandpa Bebe’s gentle teasing, and then she went outside.

  She sat on bench as nerves fluttered in her stomach. Petting Scout, she found comfort in his warmth as he leaned against her legs.

  When the van pulled into the yard, Scout jogged over to greet the family, tail wagging.

  The twins giggled and chattered, pulling Bob past Tia and into the barn, while Cathy and Tag hung back, greeting the horses on the other side of the fence. Tag cast furtive glances toward her as he tore handfuls of tall grass and fed the horses. Tia watched as Cathy put her hand on Tag’s shoulder and said something she couldn’t hear.

  Cathy stayed by the fence as Tag walked toward Tia, head down.

  “What’s up, little bro?” she asked, casting a worried glance toward Cathy. Had she told Tag to deliver the terrible news?

  But when Tag lifted his eyes to hers, she was startled to see them full of hurt and betrayal.