Forgetting How to Breathe Read online

  Panic washed over Tia. She tipped Summer over her knee at an awkward angle and jiggled her body from knee to knee in hopes that the errant stone would fall out.

  Rocks were not supposed to be in children’s heads. What would happen if it didn’t come out? Would Summer go deaf? Would it somehow go through to her brain and kill her?

  As Cathy rushed in with Tag hot on her heels, Tia was shouting like a maniac: “Out! Out! Out!”

  Cathy tossed a wet rag she’d been carrying on the counter and lifted a red-faced and wailing Summer from Tia’s lap. “Hush, sweetness, hush.” Her voice was quiet, but still easily heard.

  After a moment, Summer’s shrieks softened to a whimper with an occasional hiccup. Cathy turned to Tia, her face tight and unreadable. “What happened?”

  “It wasn’t my fault,” Tia said, her voice small.

  “Just tell me!”

  “She took one of the rocks I found down by the lake,” Tia rushed. “I think it’s in her ear.”

  Instead of panicking, Cathy nodded as if this made total sense. “Have you got rocks in your head, my love?” she cooed.

  Daye squealed with laughter. Summer gave a small, uncertain smile.

  After setting Summer gently back on the floor, Cathy turned her head and peered inside her ear. “Not to worry,” she said, her voice light and calm. “A pair of tweezers will take care of this toot sweet.”

  “Can you get it?” Summer whimpered.

  Cathy smiled. “Wouldn’t you rather have Dr. Butler take care of this, honey? He fixes up children all the time.”

  “He gave me medithin,” Daye offered.

  “Yes, he did, sweetie, and he’ll take care of Summer too.”

  Tia watched and listened with a mixture of horror and awe. “Should I call the clinic?” she asked, anxious.

  Cathy smiled as if she’d just offered to check movie listings. If it was an act for Summer’s sake, it was very good. “Sure. Tell them what happened, and that we’ll be there in ten minutes. Tag, will you ask Bob to get the van?”

  Tag nodded and was off like a shot.

  While Cathy bundled up Summer and Daye in boots, jackets, and mittens, Tia flipped through the phonebook, hands shaking. She accidentally tore a page. “Oh, man!” she cried.

  When she glanced up, Cathy’s mask had fallen slightly, her face now shadowed with a slight frown. “The number is on the fridge, Tia.” She hustled the twins out the front door.

  As Tia dialed the number, an echo of what had just happened settled in, along with the realization that Cathy would never trust her with the twins now. It was so unfair. It wasn’t that she wanted so badly to babysit, but she hated being misjudged.

  A moment later, Tag came back inside, shivering from the cold.

  “What were you doing outside without your jacket?” Tia scolded, harsher than she should. Her emotions were all mixed up in a ball of something somewhere between panic and anger. She wasn’t mad at Tag, though. She was mad at herself.

  “I was on the porch.”

  “Still, not okay to—oh, hello?” Tia turned for focus back to the telephone. With the clinic receptionist on the line, she explained quickly what had happened and that Cathy was on her way.

  Now that the urgency had passed, Tia couldn’t help but notice that when push came to shove, Cathy had bundled her real family into the car, even though there was no need for Daye to go.

  Whatever. She and Tag were used to being left behind.

  ¶

  Tia was at the computer busily erasing all the notes she’d made about Icelandic horses when Cathy and Bob returned with the twins.

  “All is well,” Cathy said, dropping a pebble on the desk.

  Tia snatched the stone and threw it in the trashcan. Cathy watched, but said nothing. Probably finding words to tell her the job was out.

  Tia had screwed things up again. It hadn’t even taken her the whole day. “I guess you’re mad,” she said.

  Cathy raised her brows. “That Summer stuck something in her ear? Of course not. Kids will be kids, though I don’t think she’ll do that again.”

  Tia nodded. “That’s good.”

  Cathy was still looking at her. If she wasn’t here to blast Tia about Summer, why was she staring at her?

  Maybe it was worse.

  She felt her armpits begin to sweat and itch.

  In the heat of the moment, when Cathy burst into the kitchen, Tia had Summer over her knee. It must have looked awful, even if Tia’s intentions had been good. Cathy hadn’t even asked her to explain.

  This was it. Cathy and Bob were done with Tia and Tag.

  Sure, she’d been ready to leave yesterday, but that had been her choice. And it hadn’t been to another temporary home; it had been to find their mother. Different situation entirely.

  Tia dropped her head and waited for the inevitable. At least she would have the satisfaction of hearing Fake Mom come clean about how she really felt. All of that talk about bonding was complete garbage. She didn’t really care about Tia and Tag. She was just like everyone else.

  Tia willed the butterflies and nausea brewing in her belly to stay put. She snuck a glance and saw Cathy was thinking hard about something. But when she finally opened her mouth to speak, the roaring in Tia’s ears was so loud she almost didn’t hear what came next.

  “Not every day. Every two days at most. Family and homework must come first.”

  “Ah … what?” Confusion swirled.

  “Ice Pony Ranch,” Cathy said. “You still want to work there, don’t you?”

  Chapter Five

  “Good morning, Tia!” Grandpa Bebe said. “Let me officially welcome you to Ice Pony Ranch and Rescue Centre.”

  Tia grinned as she clasped Grandpa Bebe’s offered hand in a firm handshake. “Am I late?” Puffing from running the whole way, she glanced at the clock. It was just past seven a.m. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been awake and moving so early on a Sunday. Cathy had insisted she eat breakfast before she left, and even though Tia had inhaled the pancake and eggs in about five seconds, it’d still felt like five seconds too long.

  “Not at all.” He immediately got to the business of showing her the feeding and cleaning schedule, then gave her a more in-depth tour than the one he’d given Friday evening. She learned where to find cleaning products, foods, medicines, and, most importantly, treats!

  “Can I leave you to it?” Grandpa Bebe asked as they returned to the front office.

  “Of course!”

  “Great. I’ll be in the barn if you have any questions, and Jennifer’s in the house.”

  Tia set to work. Even though she was cleaning out smelly cat boxes and wet, soiled newspaper from the bottom of kennels, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt happier.

  Mid-morning, Tia decided to take a break and visit the horse paddocks between the barn and the larger fenced fields. There were three: one for the geldings, one for the mares, and one more that was currently empty. Everywhere, there were muddy prints.

  The sun had risen warm and bright, and the snow had melted away as if embarrassed, a seasonal mistake. She breathed in the scents of fresh green things and damp earth, then scanned the small herd of horses, hoping to spot Disa, the chocolate mare. She didn’t see her, but after a few minutes, the black-and-white horse, Garri, wandered over, whickered then snuffled her shoulder as if he recognized her. Maybe it was because Tia had carrots in her pocket—just a few. She didn’t want Cathy to complain that she was giving away all their groceries.

  Tia sighed happily as she watched the horses. She hadn’t forgotten about Richard and Winnipeg and looking for Mama, but Ice Pony Ranch would be a good place to spend time while she figured things out.

  Grandpa Bebe appeared from around the corner. He twisted a coil of rope and slung it over his shoulder, “How’s
it going, Tia?”

  “Good, I guess. No problems.”

  “Ready for some lunch?”

  She nodded.

  After sandwiches and cocoa in the house with Jennifer, Tia watched Grandpa Bebe fire up a small green tractor before she returned to the shelter. It was playtime! With the cats, she crawled through the play structure, giggling as they batted tiny paws at her from around corners, anticipating her approach. Next, she walked each dog up and down the roads, then threw toys for them to chase in one of the fenced meadows before returning them, panting and happy, to their kennels.

  “Your turn, Scout,” Tia said, ruffling the top of his head. “I haven’t forgotten you!” She threw a tennis ball and laughed as the big dog bounded back with a damp and muddy stick he’d wrestled from a tangle of last year’s tall yellow grass. “Guess you’re not a retriever.”

  A little more play and then it was time for the afternoon feeding. At first, the little Chihuahua wouldn’t touch his food, but after Tia sat with him for a minute and gave him an extra cuddle, he licked her on the chin, trotted over to his bowl, and began eating.

  Satisfied that every canine and feline appetite was satiated, she rubbed bellies and scritched behind ears, then gave each animal a treat before returning to the office.

  “Qwawk!”

  Tia grinned at the raven sitting on top of his cage. “Don’t worry, Raphael, I saved one for you.” Raphael hopped over, tilted his head sideways at her, and accepted the offered biscuit.

  So far, Tia had spent her entire first day with the cats and dogs—and Raphael, though he pretty much looked after himself—but Grandpa Bebe had told her to find him in the barn after she’d finished the afternoon feeding. She hoped that meant that she would get to work with the horses. She loved the way they looked, the way they moved, and even the way they smelled.

  After blowing a kiss at Raphael, who bobbed his head as if to catch it, Tia made her way to the barn. There were two doors, the first acting as a buffer to the outside, which was probably a good thing considering how cold the winter wind could blow. With her hand on the door handle, she felt the unmistakable sensation of someone watching her. She spun around and laughed.

  “Hi Horatio!”

  The goat bleated and scooted back around the corner. “You’re definitely a shy boy,” she called after him.

  Horatio reminded her of a story she’d heard at her old school. It was early last September. A class visitor had read from a book about a boy who had been found living in the mountains with a herd of goats. No one knew how long the boy had been there, but he ran around on all fours and would bleat like a goat instead of speaking.

  Tia couldn’t wait to get home and tell Mama. She and Tag had taken the bus home, like always, and run all the way up the stairs to their apartment. But Mama hadn’t been home.

  They’d waited, had cheese-and-cracker sandwiches for supper, then went to look for her. They went to the grocery store, a park Mama liked, the café where she worked, even the school, and finally found her sitting with friends on the patio of a restaurant not far from home. She’d laughed and pinched Tia’s cheek, which was embarrassing, and said, “It’s about time you found me!” Like it was all some big game.

  Tia sighed and entered the barn.

  Inside, she saw a horse peeking at her from a stall. The nameplate fastened to the boards said Brenna. She was a light chestnut colour with a white mane and tail. Ears perked toward her, the horse whickered.

  Following the sounds of a radio, which Tia figured must be Grandpa Bebe’s office, she made her way slowly down the aisle, reading the nameplates and saying hello to each horse as she passed.

  Many horses were outside in the paddocks, but not all. Grandpa Bebe had told her that people from the area leased some of the horses, and if he knew they were coming by, he’d leave their horses in stalls for them.

  It must be wonderful to be able to ride a horse whenever you wanted. Not that she even knew how. Maybe, if she worked hard, Grandpa Bebe would teach her.

  No. She couldn’t think like that. Yesterday’s incident with the rock had been a reminder of how quickly something might happen and get them booted out of one home into the next. It would only stop when she found Mama, and Tia and Tag were back where they belonged.

  Stay focussed, Tia. She’s out there somewhere. She needs you.

  Beside the box stalls, there were several empty standing stalls. Those did not have gates, but were open to the aisle. Horses walked in and stood as if they were in a car-park. Right before Grandpa Bebe’s office, there were three more box stalls, the last one extra wide, which was good, because there was an extra-wide horse inside it.

  “Hello, girl,” Tia said to Disa, keeping her voice soft.

  “She likes you.”

  Tia turned around and saw Grandpa Bebe standing in the doorway to the office. “Why is she in such a big stall?”

  “She’s pregnant. This is our foaling stall.”

  Of course. That was why she was so large.

  “How did she get pregnant?” Tia asked, then blushed. “I mean, I know how it works, but I didn’t see a stallion.”

  Grandpa Bebe smiled. “I drove her all the way to South Dakota. There’s a stallion down there that throws nice foals. I’ve used him before.”

  “Will she have her baby soon?” Tia asked.

  Grandpa Bebe shook his head. “I hope not. She’s not due for a few more weeks, but she was bleeding a little, so I’m keeping her inside in the hopes that she’ll stay calm—and not take off with the rest of that lot again.”

  “Do they get loose often?”

  “Garri is a genius escape artist. I think I’ve got the latch fixed pretty good this time. If he figures it out again, I’ll have to take him on the road, join a circus act or something.”

  Tia grinned. “Won’t she get lonely for the others?”

  Grandpa Bebe motioned toward the stall next to Disa’s. “That’s why Dinni is inside too.”

  As if she knew they were talking about her, Dinni whickered from the adjoining stall.

  Disa closed her eyes a little as Grandpa Bebe stroked her nose. Her bottom lip fluttered and then hung as if she were totally relaxed and content.

  “What happens when it’s time for the baby to come out? Do you have to take her to the vet?”

  “No, she’s fine right here. Most of the time horses don’t even need our help.”

  “She sure is big,” Tia said. “How many babies do horses usually have at one time?”

  “Usually just one but twins can happen. As a matter of fact, Disa had twins the last time we bred her, but there’s just one this time.”

  “Are her other babies here?”

  Grandpa Bebe considered for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to answer. “Just one,” he said. “Dinni was one of her twins, but the other one didn’t make it.”

  “Oh.” Tia swallowed hard, feeling a sudden pang for an animal she never knew.

  “It’s nature’s way. When they’re growing in Mama’s belly, one foal usually gets more nourishment and is born stronger. Dinni’s brother died before he was born.”

  Tia stroked Disa’s neck, wondering if she missed her babies or even knew that one hadn’t made it. “Everything will be okay this time, though. Right?”

  “I’m sure everything will be perfect,” Grandpa Bebe said, his voice rich and rumbly. “The vet checked her out when she was bleeding and said that apart from that, she’s coming along just fine.”

  “Will the bleeding stop?”

  “Already has.”

  From the corner of her eye, Tia saw commotion. “Scout!” she cried. He’d pushed open the door from the office and was walking toward her, wagging his whole body as if he hadn’t just seen her a few hours ago.

  “Hello, Scout!” Grandpa Bebe called out. “I see you’ve finished your
nap.”

  Tia thought about how easily Grandpa Bebe had accepted him, as if it were no big deal. “Thanks for letting him stay with you,” she said, petting him.

  “He’s good company. The horses like him too.”

  “When he’s not barking at them, you mean.”

  Grandpa Bebe patted his leg, and Scout waggled over. “Actually, he’s been quiet, which is good. I was worried that he would chase them and make a lot of noise. If he does that, he might get kicked.”

  “He barked plenty when we first ran into them out on the road.”

  “Maybe he knows they’re back where they belong, so he’s taking it easy.” He ruffled Scout behind the ears. “Isn’t that right, Scout?”

  In answer, Scout sat, thumping his tail and leaning against Grandpa Bebe’s leg.

  There was something worrying her. Something she had to say. “Hey, Grandpa Bebe?”

  He raised his eyebrows in a question.

  “You know that stuff Tag said about going to Winnipeg?”

  “I remember.”

  “He was just mixed up. You don’t have to tell Cathy and Bob about it.”

  “I figured it was just a mistake. Is that what it was? A mistake?” His voice was soft, his eyes serious.

  “Yeah.”

  “Then I guess there is nothing to mention.”

  “Okay. Thanks. For that, and for … well, everything. It was fun today. Do you have anything else for me to do?”

  “Hmm.” Grandpa Bebe narrowed his eyes, then nodded and gave Scout one more pat. “If you’re all finished at the shelter, would you like to learn how to groom?”

  Tia’s stomach leaped. “Yes! Oh, yes, please! I’d like that a lot.”

  Grandpa Bebe grabbed what looked like the same, knotty rope halter he’d had the other day and motioned for Tia to follow him outside. “Garri here loves a good brushing,” he said once they’d reached the paddock. “Watch how I put his halter on. Over the nose, then behind the ears. Want to try?”

  She nodded, amazed at how quietly Garri stood while Grandpa Bebe took the halter off for her to give it a go. It took a couple of tries, but with Grandpa Bebe there to guide her, Tia soon got it right.