Forgetting How to Breathe Read online

  “There are so many of them,” Tia said. “They look pretty happy.”

  Grandpa Bebe chuckled. “They are. Jennifer and I make sure they get plenty of attention. Probably not as much as they like, but we do what we can.”

  As they reentered the washing room, a woman’s voice could be heard coming from the front office.

  “Speaking of Jennifer ….” Grandpa Bebe opened the door to a woman, now seated at the desk, her wavy hair as black as the raven perched next to her. “Tia, Tag, this is my daughter, Jennifer.”

  Jennifer smiled, her eyes crinkling like Grandpa Bebe’s, but with fewer lines.

  Scout looked settled and happy on a mat by the front door. Tia was pretty sure that mat hadn’t been there when they’d arrived.

  “Jennifer, this is Tia and Tag,” Grandpa Bebe said. “They helped me round up our wandering horses.”

  “Hello, Tia and Tag. Thank you so much for your help! Has my dad been giving you a tour?”

  Tia nodded. “Yes. This place is so wonderful!” The truth of it brought a lump to her throat. If she were a stray animal, this would be a cool place to live. It made her feel good to see the animals happy, especially Scout.

  As if he could read her mind, Scout got up from his resting place and licked Tia’s hand.

  “Is this your dog?” Jennifer asked. “I was wondering where he came from.”

  “We found him,” Tag said. “But Cathy said we can’t keep him. That’s why we were going to Winnipeg.”

  Tia glared at him. “Tag, shush!”

  Jennifer and Grandpa Bebe stared at her, eyes like lasers. She turned her attention to her thumb and a hangnail. It was so quiet, she could hear the clicking of the baseboard heaters. Or maybe that was Raphael’s beak.

  “Cathy?” Jennifer asked. “As in Cathy and Bob Magnusson?”

  “They’re our new parents,” Tag said.

  Tia shot him a look. “Foster parents, Tag. Just temporary.” She turned back to Grandpa Bebe and Jennifer. “Just until our mom comes back.”

  Jennifer and Grandpa Bebe exchanged a glance, and again the room fell silent.

  Grandpa Bebe cleared his throat. “Winnipeg! That’s a long way to go, especially when we’ve got a perfectly good place for dogs right here.”

  Tia laughed, but it sounded fake even to her. “We weren’t really going to Winnipeg.”

  “We weren’t?” Tag asked.

  “I was just trying to figure things out, Tag.” She rubbed Scout behind his ear. “We couldn’t just leave him. He’s my friend.”

  “Could you leave him here just for tonight?” Jennifer asked. “The way this snow is coming down, it would be nice for him to be somewhere warm and dry.”

  Tia looked out the window at the darkening sky, and her heart sank. She knew the snow wouldn’t last long—it would probably melt in the next day or so—but she also knew that, at least for now, they wouldn’t be hitching a ride anywhere.

  “I have another idea,” Grandpa Bebe said. He turned to his daughter. “Jennifer, you know how we haven’t been able to get near that little Chihuahua?”

  Jennifer nodded.

  “Tia here had him sitting on her lap in a matter of minutes.”

  “Really?” Jennifer looked at Tia, obviously impressed. “We’ve been trying with him all week.”

  “She has a natural way with animals. Disa went right to her.”

  Jennifer smiled at Tia. “We have been a little short-handed around here. What do you say, Tia? Can you spare a little time?”

  “For what?” It felt like the room was tilting. She touched the wall to make sure she didn’t slip. “You mean, like … a job? I’ve never had a job before. Outside of babysitting, I mean.”

  “Would you like one?” Jennifer asked.

  Tia pinched herself to see if this was real, then she pinched herself harder. “What would I do?”

  “Cleaning kennels, playing with the animals, basically making them happy and comfortable.”

  “What about the horses?”

  Grandpa Bebe chuckled. “One step at a time. This is where we need you most. And, you can hang out with Scout while you are here.”

  Scout was bright-eyed, tail wagging. Everything about him beaming, “Yes!” Winnipeg suddenly felt far away. It hadn’t been a very good plan, anyway. This might give her time to think of something better. “I’d like that, thanks.”

  A crunch of tires on gravel drew their attention. Tag ran to the window as doors slammed. The excited chatter of small children could be heard.

  “It’s Cathy and Bob,” Tag cried. “And the twins!”

  Tia scowled at Grandpa Bebe. He must have called them when he and Tag left Tia with the Chihuahua. Of course he did, thanks to her blabbermouth brother.

  Grandpa Bebe opened the door to a wide-shouldered man followed by a woman and two children, who pushed past into the office, giggling.

  “Hi, guys!” Bob said. “Uh, sorry about the chaos. Kids wanted to come.”

  “It’s happy chaos, Bob,” Grandpa Bebe said. “Best kind.” His knees crackled as he knelt in front of the twins. “Summer, Daye, where’s my hug?” They leapt into his arms, still giggling.

  Bob ruffled Tag’s hair. “How you doing, buddy?”

  Cathy moved toward Tia. “We were worried.”

  Tia squared her shoulders, felt annoyance rise. “We were fine.”

  Cathy opened her mouth as if to respond, then looked away.

  Bob pulled off his wool cap and gloves. His hands were oily, as if he’d been holding a piece of machinery. He must have been working in the shed. “Cathy was getting worried, with the snow and all.”

  “We were both worried,” Cathy corrected.

  He grinned. “That’s right. Anyway, glad you’re both okay.”

  “Can we play with the kitties?” Summer asked Grandpa Bebe.

  “Kitties!” Daye echoed, jumping up and down.

  Using the desk as anchor, Grandpa Bebe pulled himself back upright, turned to Cathy and Bob, “That okay with you?”

  Cathy glanced at Tia. “Okay, but not for long.”

  “Follow me, girls. I’ll get you settled in the playroom. Tag, you want to join us?”

  Tag nodded and clasped hands with Summer and Day.

  “I’ll come too,” Bob said, following them through the door.

  As the door closed, the chattering and giggling faded, and Tia could once again hear the clicking of the baseboard heaters. Definitely not Raphael’s beak.

  Tia braced herself for a scolding.

  Cathy look another step toward her. “Tia, I—”

  “I got a job,” Tia blurted.

  “Oh.” That stopped her. Cathy looked from Tia to Jennifer. “A job?”

  Jennifer smiled. “Why don’t I get us some coffee?”

  Chapter Four

  To anyone else, the rustic lodge kitchen with its home-crafted touches would be cheery, but as Tia sat at the table shaking cereal into her bowl, she sussed tension in the set of Cathy’s shoulders. Warily, she watched as Cathy took last night’s plates from the dishwasher and placed them, one by one, in the cupboard.

  Finally, she turned. “I’m just not sure about this, Tia.”

  “About what?” Tia had already guessed what, but wanted Cathy to say it. No way was she going to make things easier for her.

  “The animal shelter. The job. Bob and I talked about it more last night, and it’s just not a good idea. For us. For all of us. As a family.”

  Tia felt her inner storm clouds gather. “We are not a family.”

  “We’re …” Cathy faltered. “Okay, that’s not the point.”

  “You told Grandpa Bebe and Jennifer it sounded fine.”

  “I know, but—Look, this doesn’t have to be an argument. I’m just concerned.”


  “Concerned.”

  “Yes.”

  “Then why did you tell Grandpa Bebe and Jennifer it was okay if you didn’t mean it. Were you lying?”

  Cathy turned her head to the side as if struck. She took a deep breath, closed the cupboard door, and joined Tia at the table.

  With the back of her spoon, Tia crushed her cereal against the side of the bowl. This was just another terrible placement.

  “Tia, I—” Cathy took another breath. “Look, I understand why you’re upset. But this isn’t just about you. It’s about all of us.”

  Tia put her spoon down. “So it’s because you care.”

  “Yes. I don’t want you to take on too much when everything here is so new to you.” Cathy placed a hand over hers. “And even though we are not a family by birth or adoption, we are still connected by caring. I’d like us to have a little time to bond.”

  Tia jerked her hand away. “What’s the point? Temporary, remember? My mother is coming back.”

  Cathy turned her head away, but not quick enough to hide her frustration. Tia had been watching for it. That, and more. At least Cathy wasn’t yelling. At their last placement, there would have been yelling.

  “But Scout is there,” Tia said.

  “Scout?”

  “The dog you wouldn’t let us keep. Maybe if you liked animals you’d get it.”

  “I like animals,” Cathy said. “For goodness sake, Tia. It’s not that I didn’t like the dog, it’s just that we have our hands full running this lodge right now.”

  Tia bit back a “Whatever!” and searched the bottom of her cereal bowl for inspiration. There was one more thing she could try. If she said this next part just right … “But, Scout is over there, and the horses, and they need help and”—she snuck a sly glance at Cathy—“and helping animals is something that I’m good at. I’m not good at much.”

  The pain that flashed in Cathy’s eyes startled Tia. Focus, Tia, she told herself. Don’t feel bad. Don’t cave. Besides, it isn’t a lie. Not exactly.

  After six loud ticks of the clock on the wall, Cathy sighed.

  It was what she was waiting for. Tia mustered her most hopeful, pleading, pitiful look. At least, she hoped that was how it came across. “Please?”

  Cathy moved back over to the counter and poured herself a coffee. Finally, she turned. “You should think about joining the debating club at school, Tia.”

  Seriously? She hadn’t expected Cathy to give in so easily. “Is that a yes?”

  Cathy studied her. “Just give me today to think about it, okay? I really want us to work as a family.”

  “But it’s Saturday.” If she pushed just a little harder, she could be at the shelter in ten minutes!

  “Give me today,” Cathy repeated.

  Tia held Cathy’s gaze. It was firm and unyielding.

  “Fine,” Tia muttered. She put her cereal bowl in the now empty dishwasher, her mind still working furiously. It was going to take more than words to make this happen. It bugged her that Cathy had already said yes once. The fact that she’d gone back on her word said a lot about her, and none of it good.

  It didn’t matter. Tia was ready for the challenge.

  Mama had always said actions spoke louder than words. If she wanted Cathy to say yes, Tia would have to show Cathy bonding. She would bond the heck out of this day, until there was no way Cathy could say no.

  One day. No problem. She just needed to give a little more than she had been. Be cooperative and stuff.

  After rinsing dishes collected from the lodge guests, she loaded the dishwasher while Cathy pounded bread dough in a big bowl. When Cathy asked her to wipe the dining room tables, instead of groaning and rolling her eyes as she usually did, she nodded, and said, “Of course.”

  Not too much, she told herself. Don’t let Cathy think this is fake—or a way to control you.

  No one would do that. Not ever. Tia was her own person. Mama had always let her be independent, encouraged it even. When Tia had wanted to go to her first day of kindergarten wearing her sweater inside out, which was way more interesting, Mama had let her. And when Tia had come home from school three days later saying the kids were mean and she wanted to quit, Mama had let her do that too. She’d warned her, however, that when she decided to go back, and Mama assured her she would, she would not lie and write a note to say that Tia had been sick. Instead, Tia would have to stand up and tell the truth.

  And so she did, which didn’t help her situation with her classmates. Even little kids could be cruel.

  Thankfully, Mama had moved them to another part of the city a few months later, and Tia had started kindergarten afresh, this time with her sweater right side out. She was nothing if not adaptable.

  Tia washed the sticky bread dough from her hands and hung the apron Cathy insisted she wear on a hook by the door. She found Cathy sweeping the back deck, the twins bundled in matching jackets and hats nearby, playing with cups and sandcastle shovels. “Want me to look after Summer and Daye?” she asked.

  Cathy looked up at her as if startled. “No, that’s fine, Tia. But if you’re looking for something to do, we just had a guest check out of cabin two. Will you gather the linens?”

  “Sure, of course.” She saved her scowl until she was around the corner.

  She had finished her babysitting course and she’d been looking after Tag since almost forever, whether Mama had been around or not. But, no, Cathy wouldn’t dare trust a foster kid to care for her precious babies.

  After dumping the linens in the laundry room, Tia ducked into the hallway-nook-turned-office where there was a computer for guests, and waited, trying not to fidget, while one of their departing guests—a children’s book author who had been there to “soak up the quiet and finish some final chapters”—printed out her airline boarding passes.

  With a goodbye and a promise to read the book once it came out, Tia slipped into the chair and began her research. When Cathy said yes—again—to Ice Pony Ranch, Tia wanted to be ready. She was comfortable around cats and dogs, but needed to learn more about horses. Icelandic horses, to be specific. This would be her first real job, and she wanted to be ready to pitch in anywhere she was needed.

  If you are going to do a job, do it better than anyone else. Mama hadn’t given her that advice. No one had. It was just something Tia knew.

  She typed “Icelandic Horse” into a search engine, and before long her mind was feasting on photos and information. She learned that “Iceys” were smart, loved people, and were typically very strong and healthy. They also had two special extra gaits besides walking, trotting and galloping, which was most horses could do. One was called the “flying pace.” The other, called the “tolt,” was like a smooth, running walk.

  Tia thought back to when she’d first seen the horses pounding down the road, knees lifting high followed by a quick, downward step, but so level it was like they might carry a bowl of soup on their backs without spilling a drop. That was probably what they’d been doing then—tolting. The Icelandic horse might just be the most interesting breed ever. How cool that there were a bunch of them right here in Gimli. And how lucky she’d been invited to work with them. Okay, fine, the job was at the shelter, but Grandpa Bebe had hinted that she might also work with the horses.

  It would be extra awful if Cathy said no.

  A tug at her shirt made Tia jump. It was Summer. Her sister was right behind her, finger in nose, as always.

  “Tia,” Summer whimpered, looking nervous.

  Alarm shot through her. She spun her chair and dropped to her knee in front of the child. “What’s wrong?” Summer was a bold, loud preschooler. She didn’t whimper.

  Summer tipped her head to one side. “My ear hurts.”

  “Oh … oh no!”

  Not the right thing to say. It was as if she’d flipped a switch causing Summer to ac
celerate from whimper to wail in two seconds flat.

  “It’s okay, Summer!” She tried to sound reassuring, but it was hard to be soothing and comforting when she had to shout to be heard. She glanced up the hall. “Where’s your mom?” Bob was probably working in the yard, but Cathy should be somewhere close.

  “What happened?” she asked Daye.

  “Da wocks,” Daye said, looking unconcerned.

  “Rocks?” Tia’s hand flew to her sweater pocket. Two days ago, the sun was warm, snow had melted from the lakeshore, and Tia had collected a few small stones she thought were pretty. She’d shown them to the twins and explained she might make jewelry from them. They’d liked them and had wanted to see them again and again. When the snow had started falling again, Tia forgot about the stones. She pulled them out now and counted: one, two.

  There should have been seven.

  “These rocks?” Tia had to shout to be heard above Summer’s cries.

  “Da otha ones,” Daye said.

  “What other ones?” Tia asked.

  “Not those ones.”

  It didn’t make sense. Tia picked Summer up, cradling the screaming child against her shoulder.

  Where was Cathy?

  Clutching Summer, she raced down the hall and met Tag at the kitchen door. Behind him on the table, there was his hat, a screwdriver and what looked like an old radio with a panel removed.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Find Cathy!”

  As Tag dashed out, Tia saw one of the plastic cups the twins had been playing with sitting by the door. Inside, she saw what looked like her missing stones. Not the ones currently in her pocket. It was the “otha” ones—missing, now found.

  All but one, which couldn’t have been bigger than a pea.

  “One of these rocks?” Tia asked Daye, shouting to be heard above Summer’s wails.

  “Not those,” Daye said, looking at her like she was crazy. “The wock in hah eaya.”

  Kid logic.